Perfect…. errr… No.

In Response to the Daily Prompt: Practice Makes Perfect?

If there’s something I would like to have as a gift, that is to be able to paint or draw, all the capacity to flick my wrist and fingers to sashay the smooth paintbrush on an empty canvass. A pencil even. When I was young I used to draw a lot, actually I usually draw than read, like other kids, I draw dream houses, dresses, princesses, landscape, etc. And then it was all suddenly gone, I refrained from doing it, just like a bubble that suddenly popped without being poked but just popped. And then I began wandering inside books, to other worlds and never came back.

I am really enthused with artworks, I am moved by how the artist poured his thoughts, himself, and his inspiration into the canvass and make it a sublime creation, just how special they are. I longed to be felt too, but looks like I’d be felt through my words instead of the lines, and defined colors.

But I am still grateful though, because when I try to draw, even if I’m bad at it, I could still make something. And here, let me share how terrible I am :)

                                            “Underneath Her Mind”

I don’t know if you could suss out what is that, but it’s a girl who’s in a messy bun, and I call that drawing “Underneath Her Mind”

Her back’s turned, because she’s out there, wandering. Getting lost in her thoughts.

Weekend “To-Dos” Update

Weekends over! And another week to come, time flies so fast my dearies, my baby’s gonna be 3 months old by the end of the month (Ooh don’t grow so fast) and then it’s going to be my birthday after a couple of months.
Weekend -To-do- UpdatesAnyway, if you have read my last post which is about my weekend plans or “To-Dos” I’m now here to make an update. Well, I could say that I didn’t quite well this weekend, though I am happy that I improved when it comes to making plans and attaining them, because honestly, I’m a bit of a forgetful person and I got an A+ in procrastinating (Well maybe a B+)

So here are the updates:

  • REAd & Finish Nope! I haven’t finish the book that I’m currently reading, why? Well, there are many reasons, but I’m striving to get it done before the week ends. Also, I am planning to make a review about it. (Hopefully!)
  • RENOVATE  YES! I finally made some changes inside my blog, if you had visit my blog before, today I gave my blog a bit of a new look, from the header to widgets :) And I know you will surely notice the better and new look I gave my blog Yaaaayyyyy! And I’m planning to improve some more details soon. I’ll just have to conceptualize the things I wanted to improve. If you got suggestions, please feel free to comment them below, I’ll absolutely appreciate that.
  • SORT BOOKS  Another Yayyyy! Because I sorted my books, no more falling books nor disheveled notes cramped inside my book case. I finally got some time to sort the shambles, I’ve been looking for some time to do it and gladly I did it today.
  • FINISH STORIES  And nope, I haven’t finish writing my stories yet, I do, however, got more ideas to write and my fingers are tightly crossed to be able to finish my stories in no time so I could move on to the immediately.
  • HAVE A JOB  The long search is over, I have found a client to write for. Last Saturday, I proposed to a posted project and the client was impressed with my proposal so he accepted my application and asked me to submit my article on a certain website, which I did, and now my article is in the initial editor’s section to be closely scrutinize because it will be published to be seen and read by others. I hope that the deliberation will be done so I could get on with working on another.

And there, still got things left to do before the week ends and I am going to make sure that I’ll finish them at the drop of the hat and surely, I will keep you all posted for further changes.

It’s All Planned Out

Haven’t posted anything since  my last post and nahh if you are referring to my last post  because I just published that a while ago, and I do hope that you check on it and enjoyed it if you’re done reading my last post. So, how have I been? I’ve been quite busy lately, with taking care of my son and fulfilling my duties in the house, and it made me really tired though, so I wasn’t able to snag some time and write, but to hit the bed and get some rest.

Two storms have passed our country, well the second one I’m not sure if it left already, it is still raining and there were no classes since last Tuesday and I could feel students and children rejoicing for that, but I could feel people who were affected by the typhoon and it isn’t okay, still, no right to rejoice because in some parts of the country while they’re people rejoicing because they’ll have more time with their personal business at home due to suspended classes, there are people who are fighting and preventing their home to be taken away or washed out by the storm so let’s pray for them. It’s been pretty hell of a week, non-stop raining and strong winds. Wishing for everyone’s safety.

On the other hand, weekend is about to come and I will not be home for days, why? Well it is already a mundane that we, my son & I would spend weekends and more at my boyfriend’s house, so my son’s grandparents would be able to see him, cuddle him, and everything. However, I got plans already in what I’m going to do during the weekend. I needed to make some changes and I hope I would be able to attain it this week.

  • READ and FINISH – I’ve been switching and not finishing books these couple of weeks now, and I can’t seem to concentrate in reading and finishing a book, which is terrible, I don’t want to betray a good novel and miss the fascinating exit. But I’m reading a book now and hopefully I could finish it in no time, and even more hopeful that I could make a review about it.
  • RENOVATE – I need to make some changes and improvements in my blog now, there were a lot of changes going on in my life and this blog should keep up with me right? I need to put some new things here and make it a really nice and read-worthy blog. I need this to reflect me, so it needs to be updated.
  • SORT BOOKS – My books are pretty disheveled right now, and it really frustrates me that whenever I open the cabinet (my book case) there’s no time that a book would not fall off, and I hate when my books fell off, plus I got a lot of new books so I really need to sort them. Immediately!
  • FINISH STORIES – Yes, I am starting to write again and I’m really glad that I am on track again, I’ve been trapped in a very dimmed place for months and now that a light burst in, I need to take hold of it and never let the darkness take over me. No more excuses, I need to finish my writings.
  • HAVE A JOB – The search isn’t over yet, I’m still searching for a freelance job. I’ve been digging up websites for some freelance works, applications sent, proposals sent, and one actually responded and considered my application, asked me when could I start the writing test and I replied but still she hasn’t answered me back yet. I keep checking my inbox and finding more jobs I could apply to, but still I’m still unfortunate. Hopefully this week, someone would respond and hire me.

So there, that sums it all up. I hope you all some really nice weekend ahead because me, it’s all planned out and I wish I would be able to do all of this, wish me luck guys! Keep you all posted.

Fictional Crushes

Whenever I read a good book, I always get hooked with the characters, those who got strong, assertive and really admiring personality, especially to male characters. I sometimes even think that this kind of guy (same as the one in the book) is real, and he is just here somewhere and then I would feel really nervous and eager to find him and meet him in the flesh and not just the product of me being so delusional. I read a book and then fall in love with the characters and that I even imagine myself being their heroine (which is way way impossible) So, I would like you to meet the guys that I am smitten with.

Ethan Carter Wate (Beautiful Creatures) I’ve watched the movie of this book and what I can say the character suits the actor well, he’s so wise and strong, the way he fought for Lena is just so admiring and Lena Duchannes is just so lucky to have him.

Augustus Waters (The Fault in our Stars)

I know, I know, every girl loves him and wants an Augustus Waters in their life too, who wouldn’t? Count me in those who actually fantasize to have Augustus Waters in their life, if not literally him, or personally but someone like him, exactly like him will be very lovely. He is spontaneous, outspoken and clever, he’s like a surprise center in a hard candy.

Jace Wayland (Mortal Instruments: City of Bones)

Oh God! Would you believe that I even followed him (Jamie Campbell Bower) on twitter? I am terribly and absolutely in love with him, the character suits him well, for a Jace Wayland in the book, the casting director is so good in picking him, and that made me fell for Jace even more, seeing one in motion picture and not just picturing him out of the book. His elusive yet gentlemanly manner made me swoon, even now, while writing this, I’m actually staring at one of his images from the movie.

And for the last but not the least, there’s no actor yet that could actually portray this fictional character, and it’s just unfortunate that this novel hasn’t got into the big screen yet, so some of you are probably doesn’t know him, so I’d like you to meet the guy who never failed to make me swoon and send butterflies in my stomach, Jon, from the novel Remember Me?

Jon (Remember Me?)

I have read this novel for how many times and it never failed to make me fall in love with Jon over and over again, this is one of Sophie Kinsella’s creation and a big kudos for Sophie because for me, she has just created the perfect man that would impossibly walk on earth. You have to read the book, so you’ll know why I’m actually smitten of him, and oh my! I wish, I really wish that he would step on my doorstep and be with me *wide grin*

So there you are people, I have really few fictional crushes, I have met a lot of guy in books but only few caught my heart and made me swoon until now.

What about you? May I know who your fictional crushes are?

Wednesday Writing

The other night, I tried to write and make a 750-word prompt, I just write and write about everything because that’s what its purpose, to keep me going and so I did. But I suddenly became somnolent and don’t blame me I got so tired with all the chores left to me, plus I got a son to take care of so I have to stop with whatever I’m doing when he cries to feed him or put him to sleep. It’s a mundane actually and I’m kind of getting use to it.

Just like early this morning, I know exactly what I am going to do first after hopping out of the bed and it was easier, it was all sort out and I could say that I did a pretty good job this morning. I was able to clean the mess under our bed, clean the house and sort the clutter after bathing my little one and gave him his vitamins, then continued with my endeavor when my grandmother took my son.

By ten-thirty my son is already sleeping and thank God that he was able to sleep by himself and I didn’t have to cradle him, it’s not that I don’t want to cradle him or what, it’s just that it’s going to be easier for me to get on with my work. So, he’s still sleeping, by eleven the only dilemma I’m trying to suss out was what I’m going to cook, no one’s going to the market and I can’t leave my son to my grandma again because she’s already cooking their lunch and I don’t want to cause her trouble, so it left me no choice, I cooked instant mushroom soup with egg, thought of frying an eggplant but the eggplant’s not of good quality, tried to slice it but the inside is already devoured by worms gross gross gross so I threw it and stick with the soup itself.

Then my sister came from school holding a hotdog sandwich YUM! And ate lunch with me, Blake is still sleeping and here I am, typing my fingers away on how my day started today, which is kind of good, because I was able to write and I made this day a productive one. However, I don’t know how it’s going to be tonight, I hope there will some great news to make this Wednesday even much better.

Now it’s already one-fifty three in the afternoon SIESTA! But sleeping never occur to me this time, I wanted to do something, and that is to finish the story I’ve been working on for days, it’s a bit sad that it’s taking me days to finish it because of all the plights, so today I will work on it. It’s been long since I last written a story and I wish that you could help me in suggesting some ideas, anything, I’d be happy to hear from you.

What’s in my head that can’t be spoken

Since I got some rest earlier this afternoon, siesta and I guess I could do a little bit of writing tonight since I wasn’t able to do it for the last couple of days.

I dealt with a lot of trouble and dilemmas all my life and still today it’s not yet ending. With all these things going on in our lives, inside the ‘used-to-be-strong’ walls are crumbling around us, they were stronger, as far as we know, but now they’re hitting us from everywhere and leaving us in affliction. But what made me more bewildered and a little bit hurt is that there will be an addition to us, more likely, a replacement for someone.

I hate changes, until now when everything else has changed already, I still hate to bear with it but life is just too playful, it keeps pricking me. Hitting us without warning. And what hurts me more is seeing my sisters and brother secretly hurt with the situation too, their eyes speak louder and it’s sad that they still shine, they still all look beautiful, despite of all, their eyes yearning for what’s inside them to come out. It’s sad that they’re mouth are knotted and can’t let the troubles out.

I wish I could speak for them but my voice is clumped and afraid that if I would try to let it out, it will just burst and turn to be just a scattered sound. I wish I was brave enough and everything for them, because I know too well that I am not enough as their pillar, I’m not sturdy enough and that’s what I need to work out, because they too I know hate the changes, the crumbling walls that used to be so robust, holding us firmly which are now changing. I know that I am speaking a little bit vague in here, but I don’t want to be too obvious for I don’t want to disclose everything fully, and only those who could READ I know would be able to get my point. Everything is a labyrinth.

I couldn’t tell that I wanted to move on with my own family, I’m still too young, my brother and sisters are still too young to handle things on their own, I still wanted to guide them and take care of them, but I already want to get out of the maelstrom. This place, where we are standing is already a total mess and we are too oblivious to where to start sorting. Well, I did start to sort some, but it is already them who doesn’t want to be fixed so what’s the point? They’re intractable and their burdens and grudges are too loud for them to hear each other, dreading.

I never anticipated that this would happen to us, this is not the picture I would like to see when I grow older, but everything changes and those would also change the outcome, the circumstances are changed to worst, troubles have changed to, because before I am troubled that my family would fall apart, now I am troubled, that it will never mend again.

Touch of Motivation

writing

Source: Tumblr.

It’s really hard to write consistently every day, honestly. Almost every day I keep telling myself to write something or an idea or a story line that will suddenly prick my mind, and I’d tell myself to write but at the end of the day I’ll find myself saying “I’ll do it tomorrow, swear” and then the same thing happens the next day. Especially today, I have a lot of excuse to repudiate my plan to write, I got a baby to take care of, I got chores to do so whenever my baby sleeps I am working on the chores left for me, when everything’s done all I wanted to do is take a rest and sleep, and when I wake up, there’s a baby waiting for me to be fed and to be taken care of. A lot isn’t it?

I really want to go back to the time when writing is like a regimen, I can’t miss it, because I’d be like an empty barrel indefinitely floating in the vast ocean, wandering and incomplete. That’s me until now, because I am not able to write on my journal and notebook to just write my thoughts and ideas out.

I guess I’ve misused the “Writer” part in me because I am not able to write, and a writer is supposed to be writing, isn’t that terrible? I honestly have lost so many days promising myself that I’ll write but ends up saying “I’ll do it tomorrow” still under the power of “Tomorrow” making myself believe, when in reality it just means “I can’t do it.” and it never ends. It’s so frustrating, going to bed one night, realizing that you haven’t write anything that day, your characters hanging, your thoughts clouding your mind, your head feeling heavy because they all want to come out and you’re there, feeling too futile to move and mutters “I’ll write tomorrow”.

It’s sad that my character Sage didn’t go to the beach where Leon is waiting to ask for a second chance to fix their relationship, so Leon left for Switzerland because he thought Sage has called it quits for good, and it’s my fault, Sage didn’t get the message, because it’s still in my vault. The clouded vault, where more of characters and stories like them is still kept. Dreadful.

A writer writes

That’s what I keep in my mind every day, words that keep me pushing to do so, today I didn’t promise myself to write, what I’m trying to do is promise myself not to do it tomorrow, because if you say you’ll do it tomorrow and repudiate your writing today, it will be easy for you to do and say the same thing tomorrow until you lose many days not writing. I remember doing the 750 words prompt every day, just write about anything and everything just to complete a 750-word or more work for a start to keep you going, some days I got less and some days the word count exceeds and it’s nice to see the shiny little check that indicates that I’ve completed the challenge. I wanted to do it again, I wanted to keep going, to write every day, pour out my words and feel complete, and I want it today.

So if there’s anyone out there who suffers the same fate, I hope you’ll surpass that, unload your minds through your keyboards or pad and pen, get your characters out of your safe, I know there is a Sage and a Leon still lingering and waiting for their ending to come. Right now, I’m working on my Sage and Leon, because how they started is just remarkable, and I can’t wait to give them the story they wanted. So now I challenge you to sit down, write, and turn your tomorrow, TODAY.