Firstly I wanted to apologize for I’ve been M.I.A for the last couple of weeks, if anyone has been checking my blog for updates and new blog release. I wasn’t aware that I haven’t posted anything yet, it’s already the 5th of June and it’s really bad that I am still not making any blog posts, but here I am right now, and I don’t know if this is a good time to start to whine about the things happening to me, and I hope this post is juicy enough.
Classes has already started last Monday in other school, including my siblings are already going to school and me? I am not. I don’t know until when, because I’m going to work. I already told my mum about my plans of not going to school this semester, that’s what I intended to do since my mum is a bit of like having trouble with her job, and I feel sad about it, infuriate because if it wasn’t because of my mum’s betraying of a friend she wouldn’t be in that sort of situation, and the fact that she won’t be able to sustain in paying my school fees and allowance (I’m in a private school, and transferring will cost me a lot of time and money, and I don’t want to risk it) and my sister is also in a private school but she’s too young to handle such situations, besides she doesn’t want to transfer either, and I don’t want her to stop or become stress about the plight we’re in. So it’s all me, I don’t feel sad about stopping for this semester, I believe I could make it up when things are already settled, thus, I wanted to help my parents since with everything this time. But I don’t know exactly until when I am going to work, maybe the whole year, and I’ll take summer classes. I don’t know, whatever will cross me.
Finding and deciding what job I’m going to have is a bit difficult, I already have my choices and some of the paperworks I’m going to need in occupying a certain job. The two things that I still haven’t got is courage & confidence, when I think about the interviews that’re going to be done during the application process makes me jittery and giddy, as if like I want to hold up everything I planned, and then the situation we are in will suddenly hit me, knock me in the head saying ‘When will you ever loosen up, and try to face everything occurring?’ And when will I learn how to become diligent and focused? I’m nearing twenty and I’m supposed to be responsible by now, I mean even before but that is something difficult for me to learn, also discipline.
Hope I’d learn how to believe in myself and with every thing I could do.
I am apparently reading two books right now, I started Echoes by Danielle Steel, and I started Angus, thongs, and full-frontal snogging. It’s my first time to do such thing, so I hope I could understand every bit of it.
The sun is setting now, it’s so beautiful, I feel elated as well as seeing the clouds above me. Wish I am up there, and not thinking how hard life is treating me right now. Oh God, I need you beside me.