For A Start

Happy New Year everyone! 🙂 I hope this greeting isn’t too late, I’ve been out and about for the last couple of weeks last year, and I wasn’t able to open my blog and write something, or even greet the people I love, and those who appreciated me and my works from last year.

The previous couple of years weren’t the ‘goodie-goodie’ times for me. I got sick, undergone to a minor surgery on my foot, I got abscesses, I stopped going to school, I stopped doing the things I used to do, like dancing and making poems, I got in trouble in my love life twice, and I failed to have a job. Many has interviewed me, but I guess I wasn’t the one they’re looking for, so I didn’t have it. I must say, I was so unfortunate for the last couple of years, and right now, some of those things are still in need of solving.

How are your holidays? And looking back to yesteryear, what are the things you regret?

I asked these questions to myself yesterday, because I’m experimenting something to start my new year anew. I want to make and experience something different and better this time. Different from the life I had years ago.

So, how’s my holiday? Well, it turned out to be just fine, incomplete maybe, but it’s still good. Every Christmas, I always have this weird feeling of sadness in me. I see happy people, hear happy songs, and yet I hear myself in sadness. I really don’t why. I’ve been confused by this when Christmas is approaching, and when it’s Christmas time, I feel utterly weird about myself. However, I just keep in my mind that the sadness in me is something I shouldn’t keep, or else I’ll end up always sad, right? But I just can’t help it. But what I do is look at the people who are with me, whom I’m celebrating Christmas with, and think of other people who’ll spend their Christmas without their loved-ones, or no food to share with on Christmas eve, and those who’ll spend Christmas in the streets. Alone.

Even though I managed to set the feeling aside, I still keep on asking the same thing with myself after. Why am I sad during Christmas?

I was hastening on my way home on New Year’s Eve because I want to be home before midnight, before the fireworks sputter colors above me. But firecrackers were starting to make ominous noises in the streets, and my heart was thudding so fast, just like the way I hasten. While I was on a ride home, I saw a man sleeping on the sidewalk, I don’t want to name what he is, but obviously he needs serious help by others. I saw him and I felt my heart sink in rue, and I told myself that I’ll get back to him after the celebration to bring him something to fill his breadbasket, but I got scared, if I’ll go back to where I saw him, it’ll be a dangerous time, there are still firecrackers around although somehow dwindled, hence, on the way there will is very dangerous. So I decided that I’ll come back in the morning, but unfortunately, I got other engagements, so I forgotten to do that. Which I regretted for not doing.

I did not tell this because I want to impress others, I wrote this because this is the one I regret for not doing to wrap up my year. And until now I keep thinking about that guy, and how I failed in doing something good. But anyway, it’s a new year and I swore myself that this time I’ll make something good, and will make this year way different from what I had. That’s what I promised myself.

Some people make New Year’s resolutions, set rows of goals, and promised their selves a change, I envy those people who could accomplish their set goals, and make their year a worthwhile, and my sympathy are for those who didn’t accomplish what they want. I sympathize myself for that. This time, I am really hopeful, and looking forward for the change. I also hope that next Christmas, I won’t feel the same feeling again, because it’s not really good.

So this is something to start off the year, something optimistic to boost our inner hope and never stop until we got what we want (Smile)  And I hope that you’ll have an amazing new year! 🙂 God Bless everyone!


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