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SHE

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Green-Eyed Monster.”

It started when I was truly young. She was the apple of their eyes, a sweetheart of everyone, and for them, the most beautiful and smartest girl then. And I was like a shadow, her shadow. I was her backup for a long time, when she became a “Muse” when there was an event at our school, I became her personal assistant. And then I said, “She’s so lucky, she’s so beautiful and smart, I wish I was her.” I envied her. Until one day, we were in second grade and she told me about a scene she saw in her dad’s phone (porn) and the next day, she told me what it was, because I didn’t know what it was, she said “It’s called sex” she even wrote the word in our wardrobe with my green retractable pen in plain but large letters. I remembered that word. And then, another day came and we fought, because of a broken telephone that we were playing with, I didn’t let her play with it so she went downstairs and shouted at me, “Nobody likes you, because you are not beautiful, and I am more beautiful than you!” She shouted and walked away. And I was so disappointed, am I not beautiful?

I told my mom what happened and told me not to believe her, that looks doesn’t matter when you got a foul attitude and manner, then I also confessed what she has written to our wardrobe and my mom went ballistic lol and said that no matter what she say to you, you’re lucky because you’re not like her. And those words sunk into my mind, and everything she did to me. Starting with how she always bits me, pinch, and grabs my hair for no reason, by how her eyes widened and looked at me while saying that I am a demon, because I was playing with a magic slate first and didn’t give it to her when she grabbed it in my hands. I remember, when she grabbed my hair when I was running, and until now, I still don’t know why she did that.

I envied for a lo of things, when we were kids, she always tells me stories, the places they were going to, what they ate that day and where they ate and most specially, her things and her toys. I envied her for having what she wants. Then I remembered, my family has been to far more beautiful places, I have lived to a far more better place, and I have eaten to a far more exceptional restaurants than her.What’s to envy? I am questioning myself now. I am grateful that I am not like her, I don’t hurt people, with or without reason. But she? Oh my, I remember her slapping our classmate when we were in first grade and our classmate didn’t go to school for a long time because she had a mumps from HER slap. I experienced her slap too and it wasn’t good, and I cried. Again what’s to envy?

I envied her for being liked, loved, adored by everyone, until now, everybody HERE likes her, but she got a lot of clandestine. And it made me realize, that I am more fortunate, that I shouldn’t envy her, that God above has given me more and I kept looking at her, because she was admired, and I wasn’t then.

And now I don’t, I feel stupid for envying her when we we’re young, I am loved and adored, maybe not by those people who adored her, but I am appreciated and adored by the people who knows me really well, they said I am smart, which I thought it was only her. Some said that I am beautiful, I know, I feel that too, but in my own way, and not by looks. Now, I am proud that I don’t envy her anymore, maybe she’s still adored by everyone here, but who cares right? I was just too naive and stupid for envying her, and I shouldn’t. I envied her because we were always compared, that’s why I wished to be like her, but now I don’t, I don’t want to be remembered for hurting someone lol. I am now laughing for being jealous to her when I shouldn’t have.

There’s more to life than you wishing to be someone else, you’re you because you’re special and that’s what I always keep in mind now. And you also should too 🙂

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