In response to the Daily Post’s Writing Prompt: Your Days are Numbered
At such a young age, my life was tied earlier than I expected, not because I got a child now, no, it was years ago when it all started. My teen years were filled with music, fun, competitions, and to be candour enough, well I was totally free! All I did before is to go to school, go home, rest, eat, write, read, and dance, starting at 7pm. Just dance away through the night, with the people I trusted so much and became my family. And competitions, my life was basically consists of these simple things, for how many years, my nights were filled heart-thudding music, sweat beading my body as I drain my energy to the routines and choreography, and adrenaline filling me as we wait for our group to be called and get some luck for us to bring the bacon home and fortunately we did for couple of times. Until there are nights that I would just come over to talk with them, fool around, and WATCH them dance.
Three years ago….
I was definitely in love, love sick fool I, I must say I really was. We went to places, did things together, experience, and tasted what places have to offer, but there were far more things that were compromised. I realized that blending in with his galaxy made me leave my stars, my own stars. I tried to get back to my own galaxy and get my stars back, only to find out that I can’t, because I am tied. From two beautiful galaxies was beautiful for some time, until everything turned into a massive maelstrom. I got lost.
Pardon me if my metaphors are terrible, but yes, I really want to describe it that way. For some years my identity was gone. I am absolute with this realization, that when you pour all of yourself into a relationship, sometimes half of yourself will be gone and sometimes whole. Like deciding on what type of egg you are going to eat, because you might be eating the same and you won’t know what was your favourite first. And I must tell you, it really does happened. Years ago, I was lost even more.
I don’t really have to go through the details. Just to sum this all up, I refrain from dancing and with the things I usually do. I became distant with my friends. I became a stranger to my own self even.
Now I am haunted with my memories I have tried so hard to bury, yes there were so many good things in it, but there were far more to be rueful about… Because when you love, you won’t change, you won’t turn into something not you. Yes you would grow, but you will not transform…Only learn and grow.
Now, that everything is behind me now, lingering and teasing me to turn around and take a glimpse of I chose to leave. I am terribly happy right now, that’s one thing for sure, beyond mirthful and I could see the days of my life differently. I am starting to regain, and discover myself, things in myself that I didn’t know exist, and it’s the greatest. I feel incredibly great right now with everything that’s happening to me, I see that this is my starting point, my time to outset and arrange my life accordingly to what I really wanted it to be. MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED. Everyday and I have to see to it that when these days pass, I wouldn’t have any reason to resent about. And so far, I don’t.