My mind had been in a constant battle lately, going through a lot of confusion and dilemmas which led me to always overthink, whether it be about my job, blog, and with my writing.
I am scared sometimes, thinking about my writing, that I might lose my love for writing, that I might get tired of it one day and just stop. I am only in my twenties, but why do I feel like I’m having a midlife crisis? Is it midlife crisis? Or Am I just lazy or been eaten up by procrastination? I remember before ( years ago) I wanted to be the youngest author ever, and then I met Anne Frank, fell in love with her and knew that she’s one of the youngest writers in the world and I was seventeen that time, and she was just twelve (If I’m not mistaken) when she started to write and fifteen when she died. So okay, probably I will not be one of the youngest writers alive so I set another goal, and that is to become one of the best-selling authors, sounds so grandiose doesn’t it? But yes, it’s one of my goals, that’s why there are drafts perching peacefully in my folders and characters waiting to come alive.
I’ve been reading a lot of self-help articles about writer’s block, done a lot of reading and watching, yes for a short time inspiration will ignite, but no fire, yes like water splashed onto the fire that’s just started, extinguished immediately. That always happens, and it leaves me feeling empty yet heavy. But right now I’m truly working on it, like writing down plots, dialogues, and more plots because I am hoping that these plots would urge me to write more. There was a time when I blogged about how I loved my new company and the people who came with it, right now, I regret to tell you that I left that company which I’ve always wanted to be part of. However I still believe that there are more plans for me, better plans and opportunities, and it came last Friday. My application in ISENTIA was considered, offered me the Broadcast Monitor post and invited me for examination.
I was so stoked when I received the email from the human resources, this is it! I said to myself, I’ll be doing something that I really love as a job, and I saw that this opportunity (if given to me) will be a great advantage in my field, as I am a Mass Communication student. So I am praying, and hoping that it will be bestowed to me.
As for my blog, I must say that I took this blog for granted and I feel really sorry, but how can I get to blog when I can’t write, right? But here I am, doing my best to finish this entry as I really want to get out of the procrastination circle and get rid of the writer’s block.
Days ago, I read about how good writers are in procrastination, I remember someone who finished his short story after 5 days, when in three days, what he did is just sit in front of his computer, stare at the short story he began, opened his movie folder, finished a movie or two, made dinner for himself, watch the telly, read book, and back again to stare at the story and try to continue. It went on for three days, not being able to finish the story, then he gather himself and work on it, so on the fifth day, he finished it. Mind you, I worked on this entry by three o’clock this afternoon, but here I am still working on it and it’s almost eight in the evening, but I can’t complain, my friends were messaging me to discuss a very important thing, I have an email to answer and follow-up, and a very active little boy to feed and to look after. Then my laptop restarted for unknown reason and I have to wait for a couple of minutes for me to be able to start again. So yes, I guess what I read is true, some writers are really good when it comes to procrastination.
Then I figured, I need to change, somehow. Procrastination is always there but your writing or your story will not finish itself and you will not be called a writer if you don’t write, so I followed some of the tips I have read in other blog sites, one is to make a blog calendar. I have an organizer which I barely use, but now I hoist it out of my drawer, got my sister’s markers and started to fill the pages with borders and dates, and filled the dates with what I’m going to put in my blog. Two, write whatever that comes in your mind, and that’s what I’m doing now.
I wanted to progress and to finish something, so I have to start now. Besides, there’s a lot of things that I want to write, so I am looking forward to my blog’s comeback (Yes! Comeback) and I hope that my dear friends and readers would visit my blog again often. So there, I wish, if someone who is in the same situation as mine would let his beautiful mind wander, and start to write again, because I just took several steps and I’m out again, and I will tell you what I just discovered and who I will meet along the way.