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Perfectly Human

And I’m back! Been pretty busy these past few weeks, and I feel terribly for not being able to write… Pretty much preoccupied as well. That’s one reason why I decided to give in and write something. Not just write something, but pour my heart out.

For the couple of days, I’ve been stressing about a lot of things, one thing is about my happiness, and the next is, what would happen to me in the coming days?

I made decision, a very big and hefty decision that would certainly change everything in my life now. And that is to become happy, and fulfilled. But, not everyone is pleased with what I did for myself. I’ve been very selfless for the last several years of my life, doing what everyone wants and expects me to do, there were a lot of responsibilities, and burdens that I have to carry so as not to affect my siblings, because I care about them so much even if they’re being so crappy, even if they don’t see what I’m doing for them, it doesn’t matter for me, as long as they’re okay and I provide whenever they need. I’m fine.

Then now, I have my own family, and what I decided to do will vastly impact mine. I decided to be happy, and everyone it’s rubbish, it’s stupid, and I’ve done a very stupid thing. Don’t I want to have a complete family? Of course I want, but isn’t a happy, loving family better? No pretensions.

I chose to be happy because that’s how we should live. That’s how I want to live with my son, why can’t they see my point? Still, their opinions are irrelevant, I respect their opinion, but what I want is what matters. I promised a lot for my kid, and that’s something I want to focus on right now, do everything that will keep my little one happy. Living the life, that at a young age, he’ll never feel unloved and unhappy. Unlike when I was a child, when it was filled with melancholy that I don’t even understand, until I grew up.

I am not a perfect mother, I screw up a lot of times, but no one could teach me and tell me what I’m supposed to do with my little one, I maybe doing a differently from what they were doing, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong (Thanks BabyCenter for providing that advice, as I lived with that advice since I had my little one, and gave me confidence as a parent) because no mother would cause his child harm. I am a mess, until now, ever since, but with my kid. I am not. I’m just a human, perfectly human.

Now, I feel good, having all this spilled. I just totally need my refuge right now. And thanks for taking time to read. It’s great to be back. For now, I’ll just take every step that I should to move forward and become happy, no looking at the rear view mirror. As little progress, becomes great result.

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