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Lost and Found

Here I am again, dealing with a new blank page, Oh! And by the way, Happy New Year! I must say I just had the best New Year’s Eve of my life and 2016, I realized has been really colorful and challenging for me, as there were lots of turning points, especially for the last four months left to 2016. Anyway, instead of looking back to the bad ones, why not relive, and muse over the sublime ones? Those that brought me genuine blithe, I would say I had a lot of those carried to this year, and every day, I always have them rolling at the back of my mind.

He started my year right.

I could say that I’ve gone beyond existing when he stepped into my life (I could probably add this to my vow on my wedding, this very line LOL) as I never have felt this alive in my entire existence, if he were given a blank canvass, he could make a masterpiece. As for me, I am an unfinished canvass that he has yet to fill with his amazing hues.

He maybe is intractable, headstrong, and “badass”, but if you will be able to get to know him thoroughly, you would see that he’s the most amorous, sweet, caring, thoughtful, responsible, and virtuous lad you’ve ever met. That’s what I told myself, he utterly has a humongous heart, just quite right for a humongous man LOL. We may have a bitter start (That was 5 years ago) a not-so-good-start-slash-relationship that is, we had to go  on separate paths before, but because of the universe’s odd scheme, we meet again. The same month we first started.

It was a rainy evening of October 3rd 2016 when we saw each other again after five years, I never thought of anything than just “catching up” that time, we had coffee, sat by the window and talked endlessly, well, I talked endlessly, and he just laugh and listened to me. It felt different. Then we head home after hours of talking, and walking down the cold, damp streets. He took me halfway to where I live, then finally we had to part ways, he stood there watching me go, I looked back and he was already walking away, my heart thudded differently. It was the beginning of something. I felt.

And now here we are, making and sharing good memories, learning from the bad ones, and making it all work. He’s a changed man, and that’s something I’m really proud of right now, he’s not what he’s used to be (It’s kind of hard to get  into details, but he is changed now) and I’m lucky enough, I’ve had him at his worst before, like every day was sort of a living hell for me. But now I have him at his best, and yes, still at times, his worst too. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter whether he’s still at his worst state, just like before, the only thing I know is that I love him and if I was able to love him before, I love him even more now. I really do, and sometimes, my heart is prickling because I don’t know how I’m going to express it, or say how I feel about him, because I sometimes feel that what my mouth mutters to him and things I’m doing for him every day is not enough.

I’m still confident though, that he could feel how much I love him. He knew that I’m never good at expressing my feelings sometimes, but I know deep down. He knows.

I just can’t help not to pour out how in love I am and how happy I am right now with this man.

And it’s just amazing that my first post for this year is about him. What a good start. And how great it is to be shown the different definitions of love.

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